On surrender in the context of bodywork
What is it to ‘surrender’, and how is this relevant to bodywork? Dictionary definitions are focused on surrender as an act of giving in or ceasing to resist, usually out of exhaustion or under duress. This is certainly true in the context of war, and that is probably our most common understanding of the word. It wouldn’t be a huge leap to suggest that surrender is typically viewed in Western culture (and many other cultures) as defeat, a failure, even shameful.
Yet in my experience, surrender in the context of bodywork can be a powerful act of volition and a profound choice for self-care. When I receive bodywork from my regular massage therapist, whom I know and trust, I am grateful to be able to use our sessions to progressively arrive, breathe, down-regulate my body, relax my sense of control, soften the holding of my burdens, and ultimately…surrender. For the period of the session, I physically surrender to the touch, of course. This means I trust that I won’t be harmed; I know that my massage therapist is a kind, skilful, and experienced practitioner. I must also trust my own voice, to say if the pressure is too strong, for example. But, it’s not just the touch that I choose to surrender to – I also surrender to the process.
As both a bodyworker and a person who receives bodywork, I have long observed and experienced the ‘meta’ of bodywork sessions that can occur under the right conditions: Alongside the easing of tensed muscles and fascia, well-held bodywork sessions with a trusted and insightful practitioner provide an opportunity for rest, spaciousness and being present in the here and now. Our impossibly busy lives make these conditions increasingly difficult to access. Yet when both body and mind are given space-enough and feel safe-enough to relax their holding, what emerges can be profound.
Many of my clients reach for this meta purpose in our sessions, settling into the easing of their bodies, the calming of their minds, and the experience of the inextricable link between them. It is rarely linear, though. Even where there is a great deal of trust, it isn’t always possible to slough off all the worries and arrive onto the table or the mat relaxed and ready to receive. Tension exists in the body for a reason, and it takes time to soften habitual holding, sometimes by choosing and choosing again – and again – to let go a little more. Where trauma is a factor this can be even more complex, requiring an approach that is carefully calibrated to the person’s experience in the moment.
For many people, choosing surrender consciously as an act of self-care is new. Some of us are only familiar with relaxation through strategies such as binge-watching our screens or the use of intoxicants, otherwise finding it almost impossible to switch off. As is evident from the term ‘switch off’, many of these methods are more about numbing the constant hum of an activated nervous system, and are a far cry from the conditions we need for true restoration and ongoing wellbeing.
For those who are interested in utilising their bodywork sessions to reach more deeply into their habitual holding with the intention to soften it and ultimately aid their recovery, I offer the following tips for creating the conditions to support surrender:
Find a practitioner who is skilled in working holistically – ie with the whole person.
See them regularly based on what your budget allows, to build familiarity and trust.
Practice using your voice – don’t accept too much or too little pressure and never endure a technique that hurts – a good practitioner will be grateful for your feedback and adjust accordingly.
Recognise and stay within your own limits about the level of surrender that feels right for you. If you find it difficult to recognise your limits, start with little steps such as exhaling with the application of pressure, or aiming to consciously relax your limbs for a short period. An experienced practitioner will work with you on this.
After the session, take time to reflect on your experience and what you noticed or learned.
Photo by Roman Melnychuk on Unsplash